I tore my retina in February, the night before Super Tuesday, when I was volunteering doing data entry at the Barack Obama camptaign office in Venice. It was really scary; it was as if my eye had filled with black swirling oil. I took off my contact lense, thinking I'd had a major run-in with my mascara, expecting to clean it off and fix the situation. The lense was clean, but my vision still was marred by black gunk. I asked someone to look at my eye, to see what it looked like from the outside. Nothing there. I looked in a mirror: nothing. My vision in my right eye was cloudy and there were the swirling oil floaters. Driving home, I was disoriented, and seeing weird verticle flashes of light. I got scared.
I got more scared when I got home and looked on the internet and found out that probably I had either torn or detached my retina. Next morning I got a referral for a retina specialist and, after waiting three hours, was finally seen and had lazer surgery to repair the tear. It hurt a bit and I got a little faint. But the tear was mended and within a few weeks my vision was normal.
Well, then I had a reoccurance of vision problems, a couple of times. Three weeks ago suddenly I have pea soup thick vision with more floaters. Did I mention how scary this all is? But, I had an epiphany.
How do you stop worrying about going blind?
Get up the next day to find you've lost all your keys to your four offices.
How to stop worrying about losing your keys?
Reread the email and realize you've been asked--not just to
come to the History Department Honors Banquet to present
your son's scholarship--but also to give a speech.
How to stop stage fright about giving a speech--without sobbing?
Get your car towed while celebrating your niece's graduation.
How to stop fretting about your car being towed?
Go bale it out in time to get on a plane to Oakland the next
morning, only to find you've left your cell phone
on the front seat of your car at the remote airport parking lot.
How to stop worrying about traveling in San Francisco without
a cell phone?
Get stuck with everyone and his mother crossing the Bay Bridge,
taking 2.5 hours to get from Oakland to my hotel, leaving barely enough
time to get to the award banquet (to do the speech which you've now
memorized sitting in traffic).
How not to worry about nearly arriving late?
Lose your driver's license somewhere between the Oakland Airport
rental car place and your hotel.
How to stop worrying about the driver's license?
Try to get on a return airplane trip without one.
And finally--how not to think about the fact that last Memorial Day,
was the last time you saw your son breathing on his own?
Have your eye symptoms get much worse--like 1/2 the vision
completely blacked out in your eye and have a three day weekend
when you can't get treatment.
Yeah. And I spent yesterday afternoon watching (with one good eye) the Lakers getting trounced by San Antonio and now I'm sitting here watching the Celtics/Pistons game and Boston can't buy a basket.
Gimme a break, will ya?
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2 comments:
Seems as though there may be more than one way of looking and seeing?
I just had a conversation with a friend about artists, their eyes, and their seeing. Diane Arbus had a very different "eye" and what she could "see" was very, very different as well. If you google her photographs, you'll see why. If you have the chance to view the film, Fur, you'll see why even more.
What she left behind for her audience of viewers was an extraordinary body of work that demonstrated her unusual "eye" and the opportunity to "see" as she did. She managed to capture what most of us fear, what most of us avoid, and what most of us will never "see".
I'm so very sorry that your vision is suffering from an unknown and reoccurring issue. I hope that it will heal as soon as possible. It must be frightening to suddenly experience a loss of vision. I can't imagine it. But I wish you immediate health and wellness, Auntie.
Meanwhile, your ruminations about all the possible interruptions we experience in a hurried life, remind me of all the opportunities we have for looking and seeing.
There's a lesson in there, somewhere... : )
Oh, Cyn-- you sure conveyed the chaos that is life. I am sorry for all the stress and do hope you catch a break very, very soon. Please keep us posted on your site. Well wishes & blessings are being sought out for you.
ooox, k
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