i went to ky's grave today. i didn't go last week (combination of going to the RFO Clinic each Saturday morning before work and the length of my workday). and, because i'm going to NYC to spend Xmas with Miranda i won't be able to visit next week. i couldn't bare being away for 4 weeks and not going to say goodbye and explaining i'd be away for Xmas. no, i'm not losing it, it's the magical thinking thing.
these 4:45 pm sunsets wreak havoc on visiting the cemetery after work. at 4:55 i whizzed through through the open gates. just in case FL was serious about their "closing at 5pm" sign, i didn't stop to buy flowers from the vendors on the side of the road. i didn't like arriving empty handed, particularly when i could see so many poinsettias and mini christmas trees dotting the landscape. i'm new to all of this, but i can see there's a whole series of graveyard rituals that i'm not privy to. i'll learn.
it was pretty dark as i sat down beside ky's grave. i remembered the stick of incense i had left in the sunken vase holder. the vase was overturned (that's how it's supposed to be when there are no flowers in it) and when i pulled it out the incense was still there. i had matches in my purse so i lit the incense for kyle. i felt better.
but there was something else there. right on the edge of the holder was a tiny rubber dog. a little beige and black bull dog. maybe an inch or so high and an inch long. rubber not plastic. clearly, an ancient little pupper. i haven't seen rubber toys in forever. black on his head, with the black worn off so most of him was yellowish.
i put the little bull dog on top of the overturned vase. below the ground level a bit. that way when the lawnmowers come by he won't get chewed up. i didn't feel so badly about going on my way then, as ky didn't seem so alone with the little dog standing guard. i stuck the incense back safely as well.
thank you, dear friend, who left that little gift.
thank you, all who keep vigil at ky's resting place.
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4 comments:
Someday soon, I think, you'll find something of yourself to leave at Kyle's grave - something that would be of some comfort to both of you, something that marks the presence of the love between you, something that will be there again and again - and when you do this, for yourself and for Kyle - it's going to be another beginning again- and it's going to be well and good.
I'm thinking of you through these many days of the holiday season.
So Much Love and So Many Hugs, Auntie.... : )
I am very happy to say the little gift was from me. It's very strange, you must have come seen him RIGHT after me. I literally left right before the sun was going down. It made me smile when I put the little dog with Kyle. I could leave knowing a part of me was there, and he wasn't alone. I miss him so much, and am so happy my gift made you feel better too. xoxo
thank you, dear sweet flynn. i hope the little dog will get to stay a while. you know, kyle loved his dog and cat so much. kyle took care of his friends and you are taking care of him now. it gives me such comfort to know you are there.--with love.
For many a graveside visit can be difficult. I'm so glad you find peace during your visits with Kyle.
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