actually it was the night before last. And Kyle was in it. It was only the second time I have dreamt about Kyle and it was wonderful to see him again. This picture (sent recently to me by Maria H., who lived in Ky's dorm when they were freshmen and who stayed a good friend) was kind of like how Ky looked to me in the dream.
Like most dreams, it was illusive. I awoke and couldn't remember the whole thing. I do remember holding Ky's face and stroking it and talking to him. I knew he had died or was going to die and I knew he knew it too, but I said something like, "Things are not going to turn out" or "Things are going to be bad" and then "but right now we can enjoy this time."
The earlier part of the dream felt like the real-life illusory nature of a visit home from Kyle. He'd be rushing in, rushing out, in his room, off at the beach, out with friends. Getting him to actually light on the couch or at the table for long was not easy.
That was what was so memorable about his last visit home. He hung out more. He laid down on my bed and listened and indulged his mother's going through her Scotland slide show. He took time to talk to me about his girlfriend Laura, whom he clearly loved. "She's different, Mom. You'll see. She's special. I want you to meet her." He even organized all his stuff and got ready to go (Sallie drove him to the bus) in a timely fashion. Almost as if he were savoring his time with us.
I still am surprised, although not shocked, when I remember each day that he is not coming home. I do hope he'll be hanging out in my dreams again. And I hope I remember more of the dream next time.
3 comments:
So glad you dreamt of your beautiful boy. What a lovely gift. I've learned to keep a pen and paper handy beside the bed, to record those precious dreams upon awakening before the whole sensation is lost. Pleasant dreams. xo
.....oh yes, yes, Wanda...the paper and pen by the bed is what i hear so many people do, but i have never done so....
....it would be wonderful for you, Auntie - to write down Kyle's sweet visits - and to have a collection of them in a lovely "Kyle Dream Journal"....you could add other kinds of dreams, too....day dreams of his coming birth, dreams of his boyhood, his own dreams that he may have shared with you (however painful they might be to recall now) would be a fantastic treasure of all things Kyle... : )
Aunt Cyn, I am so totally clueless about how this must be for you. I am so sad about it all and I feel so helpless. I appreciate you sharing your heart..and your dream and thoughts about your dear son. He will always live on through you...I am so very sorry, Cyn. Bless you. I love you. k
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