On Sunday, it will be Kyle's 23rd birthday. The picture above is of Kyle, minutes old, in the arms of his dad. Kyle was two weeks overdue. As a boy he used to laugh and say that he didn't want to come out because he was so comfortable in there. The doctor got concerned, so he gave Gear and I some articles to read about inducing and told us to talk it over at dinner and then if we were comfortable about it, to just head to the hospital. So late in the evening about 11pm, the nurses started to induce labor. That kicked things off and eventually I had about 10 hours of hard labor (less than with Miranda), but then pushed for 3 hours before the doctor said he was going to have to perform a Caesarean.
Kyle Campbell Whitham McLeod was born at about 6:36 pm. He was 22 inches long and weighed 9 pounds, 15 and 1/4 ounces. We were pretty impressed with that weight, but the same day at the Hollywood Presbyterian Hospital a 13 pound baby girl was born. If Kyle got to be 6'8" I wonder how big that girl is today. He had the biggest hands and the longest fingers and Gear said, "Piano playing power forward." Kyle was so wide awake under the lights in the nursery that the nurses had to take him into their dark station for him to get some sleep. Ky's big sister, Miranda, welcomed him home a few days later and just adored him. With our boy, our little family felt complete.
On Ky's birthday, I'll be up north in Cupertino attending a memorial event by the Musculoskeletel Tissue Foundation. There will be recipients there and there will be a slide show of all of last year's donors. It may seem a little odd to be doing this; but I'm feeling drawn up north again and I'm not put off by public grieving rituals. At least I'll be crying with a bunch of other people for a change, in a place where crying is expected. And I think it might be harder to be at Forest Lawn, which is where I'd be otherwise.
But I will celebrate a little bit at Forest Lawn tomorrow, before I leave town. I'm bringing some sandalwood incense to burn and a little battery run speaker (that I had given Ky) to play some reggae, and I have a tiny little bottle of bubble stuff--I'll probably leave that there for any of you who will be visiting him. I'll bring some flowers of course. It's odd not having food around when thinking about celebrating a birthday, particularly Kyle's, but of course you can't leave food around a grave, what with ants and coyotes.
So if you're in town and free on Sunday, the 13th, consider giving Ky a visit or-- wherever you are--maybe raise a glass to Kyle and say a few words. If Ky were here he would be partying: with music and friends and libation and laughter. And it would be all good, wouldn't it.
Dearest boy, I love you and miss you and carry you in my thoughts and heart every moment. Happy Birthday, Kyle.
6 comments:
"If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;...
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim:...
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!"
- "If" -, Rewards and Faeries,
Rudyard Kipling, 1910
Happy Birthday, Kyle. In our hearts and minds you will always be an extraordinary young man and the Earth and everything that's in it, was indeed, yours.
how perfect, dear robin, and fitting. thank you, with love.
happy birthday kyle...cant thank you enough for all the good times!!
sierra nevada world music festival 2007
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Happy Birthday, Kyle, and to his loving parents. The day my girls were born was so magical. I have never known such a deep love. For me it was instantaneous. And unending. I know that is how you both feel for Kyle. I wish he was physically here with you now. I know he is forever in your heart and thoughts. I love you. k
We know your pain and sadness. Our son was born still at 39 weeks on March 30, 2007. 39 weeks or 23 years - the pain is deep, difficult, complicated and unending.
I read about your uncertainty in the afterlife. I am praying for peace, comfort and understanding for you and your family.
I got chills as I read the story about the Chinese food - for us it is snow. He knows our hurts and He holds our tears in His hands. I too could water Texas with the buckets of tears I have cried.
Many blessings to you.
thank you, amber, for reading, and for your loving thoughts. i am sorry you lost your baby. no matter how young, losing a child is losing a child; it feels unnatural and it turns our world upside down. just as i mourn kyle and our past and his future and our future with him, you and yours mourn the precious months you carried your son, all that he would have been, would have done, and would have shared with you. thank you for reaching out to me, while you have just gone through the anniversary of your baby's passing. thank you for your prayers. as ky's friend yuma says, "with love and peace till we all understand."
cynthia
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