Dia de los Muertos

went to ky's grave early saturday morning. around 9am because i had non-stop clients scheduled and by the time my workday ended, it would be dark. i'm not sure i am up to a visit in the dark; my coyote mightn't be as respectful as last time.

morning fog hadn't quite cleared, but the flower selling folk were out early on forest lawn drive. this day $5 buys 3 quite beautiful roses, a sprig of that dried little purple flower filler stuff, a couple of ferns.

as i enter and drive through Forest Lawn i am struck by all the flowers. hundreds and hundreds of bouquets sprinkle the fields of graves. i pass a Latino famiy sitting out with campchairs, spending a leisurely time with their loved one. i immediately think, "Dia de los Muertos," but i can't remember when Dia de los Muertos is. but maybe it was this week because Halloween was this week and isn't Halloween really All Hallow's Eve? the night before All Saints' Day? this obviously has been a week of serious mourning and i am not alone in my grieving.

ky's grave has greened now. the cooler temperatures. the brief rains. the morning dew. all have contributed. you almost cannot tell it's a recent grave. recent only to me. it will be 4 months soon, but it feels like a few weeks.

i brought a flannel sheet to sit down on. and incense. actually kyle's incense box/holder that Mary Lou gave to him last Christmas Eve. she brought presents for us all: ky, miranda, sallie, and me (i curl up every night on the couch in the soft green throw blanket she gave me). she was unsure whether it was the right gift for kyle, but he loves incense and having a long, thin, handsome box--that doubles as a holder--was a perfect choice. i didn't know how perfect until i found it in the green canvas bag he was living out of when he died.

i tried to light the incense with the car cigarette lighter, but i couldn't get it to stay burning well and by the time i climbed the hill to his grave it was out. but i arranged the flowers in the vase and stuck the incense in there too.

i didn't stay long, needing to get to the office. but stayed long enough to breathe in the cool morning air and to see the fog start to burn off in the hills to the east. and to tell him i loved him and missed him. and to ask him to let me know he is okay. and i stayed long enough to tell him that Courtnay and Nadia had just returned from their interfaith trip to Istanbul and Israel, where they prayed at the Wailing Wall--for him and for peace.

with love and peace for the dead and for the living . . .