Immortality

i'm not a believer in an afterlife. i'm a wisher for one. i'm willing to entertain all kinds of options right now. and i know why there has to be religion. i know why there are beliefs in transmigration of souls. how can we suffer the loss of our precious loved without needing to believe they are just out of sight, still close by. isn't it just a matter of time before we all hook up? please.

i've learned (although i think this is debated now, what with atom smashers and the like) that "matter cannot be created or destroyed." and i have often wondered where my father's huge energy had gone when i saw the mere shell of him in his casket. i think about kyle's booming energy, his bouncing liveliness, his sparkle and joie de vivre. did it just evaporate, that boundless spirit?

but there are ways to have some afterlife. and our donation of kyle's organs and tissues have literally given life to others. gearey said it so eloquently at our Kylesplash memorial, but i simply pass on that 2 men, one in Oregon and one in Maryland, received his kidneys; a man from Los Angeles has both his "pristene" lungs (now that's one for you who wonder about the dangers of cannabis); and ky's liver was given to a man in San Francisco. yes, and some of you have heard me sing, "I Left My Liv-er in San Francisco" (i know it's in bad taste, but as i have told many: the mother gets to get away with this kind of humor). that's four lives. also his tissues--skins, veins, ocular tissue, and heart valves--have enhanced many others. talk about life after death.

the other way that kyle will truly have some immortality is the Kyle McLeod Scholarship at San Francisco State University to which many of you have so generously contributed. each year, some terrific kid--a junior or senior, a history major who cares about race and culture, who wants to give back, someone "in good standing"--but not necessarily a superstar, someone who needs tuition help--will receive a small scholarship in the form of a tuition reduction in kyle's name.

why this way to honor kyle? as his friend Sonia wrote, "Kyle and I would always complain to each other about the fees. He was especially upset about it." he complained to me too. he was angry at the governor and the legislature every time another raise in tuition was announced. "MOM, did you hear about the tuition going up AGAIN!!" it was not for himself; as his dad and i paid the very reasonable tuition. but he was acutely aware that many poor kids--minority kids, working class kids, kids without other supports--struggled desperately to stay in school.

i was so thrilled to hear yesterday that so far our family, friends, and colleagues have donated $7,765 toward the minimum $10,000 required to have the scholarship. i am deeply grateful to all of you who have given in honor of our beautiful boy in this way.

so kyle lives on. as he will in our hearts.
and, who knows, maybe i'll find out i'm really wrong about this afterlife thing.
wouldn't that be wonderful.