April 13, 1985

On Sunday, it will be Kyle's 23rd birthday. The picture above is of Kyle, minutes old, in the arms of his dad. Kyle was two weeks overdue. As a boy he used to laugh and say that he didn't want to come out because he was so comfortable in there. The doctor got concerned, so he gave Gear and I some articles to read about inducing and told us to talk it over at dinner and then if we were comfortable about it, to just head to the hospital. So late in the evening about 11pm, the nurses started to induce labor. That kicked things off and eventually I had about 10 hours of hard labor (less than with Miranda), but then pushed for 3 hours before the doctor said he was going to have to perform a Caesarean.

Kyle Campbell Whitham McLeod was born at about 6:36 pm. He was 22 inches long and weighed 9 pounds, 15 and 1/4 ounces. We were pretty impressed with that weight, but the same day at the Hollywood Presbyterian Hospital a 13 pound baby girl was born. If Kyle got to be 6'8" I wonder how big that girl is today. He had the biggest hands and the longest fingers and Gear said, "Piano playing power forward." Kyle was so wide awake under the lights in the nursery that the nurses had to take him into their dark station for him to get some sleep. Ky's big sister, Miranda, welcomed him home a few days later and just adored him. With our boy, our little family felt complete.

On Ky's birthday, I'll be up north in Cupertino attending a memorial event by the Musculoskeletel Tissue Foundation. There will be recipients there and there will be a slide show of all of last year's donors. It may seem a little odd to be doing this; but I'm feeling drawn up north again and I'm not put off by public grieving rituals. At least I'll be crying with a bunch of other people for a change, in a place where crying is expected. And I think it might be harder to be at Forest Lawn, which is where I'd be otherwise.

But I will celebrate a little bit at Forest Lawn tomorrow, before I leave town. I'm bringing some sandalwood incense to burn and a little battery run speaker (that I had given Ky) to play some reggae, and I have a tiny little bottle of bubble stuff--I'll probably leave that there for any of you who will be visiting him. I'll bring some flowers of course. It's odd not having food around when thinking about celebrating a birthday, particularly Kyle's, but of course you can't leave food around a grave, what with ants and coyotes.

So if you're in town and free on Sunday, the 13th, consider giving Ky a visit or-- wherever you are--maybe raise a glass to Kyle and say a few words. If Ky were here he would be partying: with music and friends and libation and laughter. And it would be all good, wouldn't it.

Dearest boy, I love you and miss you and carry you in my thoughts and heart every moment. Happy Birthday, Kyle.

A Letter for My Birthday

This arrived today:

January 2008

To my donor family,

At the beginning of this New Year and after a very meaningful Christmas holiday, I want to convey my sincere gratitude for the gift of life and the promise of tomorrow that you have given me.

I am a sixty year old man and live in San Ramon with my wife of twenty-seven years. I have been in real estate development and facilities management with the same company for twenty years. I enjoy sports, playing golf, cooking and gardening, reading, and going to the beach. We have one son who is married and lives nearby. They are expecting their first child in February. When they announced the news on Father's Day, I prayed that I would live to see my first grandchild born.

I was diagnosed with liver cancer in the spring of 2006 and accepted into the transplant program in September of that year at California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco. At that time the tumor was two centimeters in size. With constant testing and monitoring throughout the following months, I was moved up on the wait list with the hope of finding a donor before the tumor could spread or grow beyond the acceptable transplant guidelines.

As fate would have it, the phone call came in the afternoon of July 7 when I was notified that a potential donor organ was available for me. I accepted and my surgery was performed in the early hours of July 8 with no complications. My wife has been instrumental in my recovery by taking care of me every step of the way and insuring that my newly transplanted liver succeeds.

I know that my circumstances cannot change your loss but I hope that sharing my story brings you some comfort and peace. My family and I will forever be thankful to you.

God Bless you