Kyle's Goodbye

I found the following poem in Ky's notebook that was mostly full of awkward scratchings (Ky trying to master a "writing" style). The notebook was in the backpack he carried with him on the train. No one knows for sure when he wrote this. Neither George nor Laura saw him writing. Obviously Ky wrote it sometime between his trip down to Santa Cruz on the 4th and his trip back on the evening of the 5th at about 6:30.



LAST STOP


HEADED DOWN TO SANTA CRUZ

FOR THE 4TH OF JULY. PERSONALLY

I ALWAYS LIKED THE

HOLIDAY. LOTS OF DRINKING

AND EXPLOSIONS AND FOOD

AND FAKE PATRIOTIC BULLSHIT.

LOADED UP THE BAG WITH

THE USUAL. CLOTHING AND

BOOZE AND DRUGS AND

SOME SHIT TO TAG WITH.

A LITTLE VACATION --



The title will haunt me all of my days.

From Kyle's Notebook

If you saw Kyle's notebooks, you'd think they were filled with scribbling. Actually he was practicing his "writing" style for tagging. Occasionally there are phrases which he may have read somewhere, heard as lyrics, or were his own. And on rare occasion, you find something like below. Since Kyle was so into music, I'm thinking this was in his head like a blues song.


The bus is comin
I've been waitin
....*
I've been paintin

Ain't got no money
Can't pay no fare
Got to get to the door
by the back stair**

The bus is crowded
Can't get no seat
Women look at me with scorn
Then they step on my feet

Been working since mornin
From nine to five
No food in the cupboard
No herb to get high

Got my check last Friday
You know it's already spent
For food and herb
For debt and rent

Trying to live right
But you know it's so hard
Boss man, police man,
and Mister Landlord



*Illegible
**Ky was so tall that he would have to stand in the door well of the bus in order to have room for his head

Kyle's Computer: A Treasure Trove

This is my first Sunday without Taxes to finish or Contract Job deadline. And I got an extra hour (godbless Daylight Savings) since we fell back last night. I slept in, spent an hour on the phone with a friend. And then went into the Kyle Vault. Actually Sal called me into her room/Ky's room to show me the slide show that seemingly randomly starts up on her/his computer. Loads of images, some taken by Ky, some downloaded, some sent to him by others. It's easy to get swallowed into the experience. Hypnotic slow rhythm of pic after pic after pic. Lots of graffiti, a bunch of internet downloads, occasional gems--like the pic of Ky above, a self- portrait I think.

I search further and find Notepad documents. Many college homework assignments and a couple of diary type entries. My heart and breath stop as I read. I still keep learning about my son.

This one Kyle called:

Terrible

sparked the blunt
that i copped in the park
for a nick, its skinny, i save half for the dark
in the evenin, when the sun goes down
when aint nobody home and nobodys around
turn off the lights i write and burn trees
reach new heights of introspection, every day a new question
constantly guessing, dont look, jump, hold your breath
maybe it'll be cool, maybe might mean death


I know it's not cheery, but for me: finding it is like digging up buried treasure.
Thanks, Kydie.