first of all, two years ago all day long, kyle was alive and happy and with people he loved and who loved him. two years ago he called me to wish me Happy 4th. it was a quick call, which i regret to remember i rushed a little. the last words he said to me were, "i'll call you when i'm back in the city." and of course, "love you." we never spoke without saying "love you" at the end.
today on my way to ER to see a client, i went to Forest Lawn. even tho i'll be there tomorrow night, i wanted to visit and bring a plant for Kyle, which i put in a wire holder to keep it from turning over, rolling away, or burning the grass underneath. the other reason i went to FL is that on the news last night it was announced that a recently deceased super pop star may be there and i feared that traffic would interfere with our small gathering tomorrow night.
on arrival i was distressed to see many news vans and a couple of patrol cars. a police officer told me that tomorrow at some point the cemetery would be closed. i went inside to the reception desk and was relieved when assured that the park would never be closed except at the end of the day. so our 5:30 gathering is on.
i am back at home.
starting to feel a dull dreading.
i recognize that feeling.
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